Goals for the New Year

January 11, 2011
Journal Prompt:
List 5 goals would you like to accomplish within your relationship dynamic this year.
My Husband and I entered this lifestyle 4 years ago with no clear ideas or plans as to where we wanted to go with it.The only knowledge we had of it was from the information I had gleaned online over a period of 4-5 days while Hubby was working, driving OTR.

All I knew for certain was that I had discovered a part of myself that I had worked hard to deny and hide from my entire life, and that I could not hide from that part of myself any longer, and that the first step I needed to take to stop hiding was to share that part of me with my Husband. It was one of the most frightening things I ever had to do. I was terrified that I would scare Him away.
The only real goal I had then, was to explore as as much as was possible and try as many new things as we could. My Husband, however, had a very different idea. He wanted to take things as slowly as possible.
He had discovered that there was something that excited me and had awakened my sexual nature in a way that he had never seen before, and he was afraid that if we moved too quickly, that I would burn myself out on it, and we would end up right back where we had been for most of our marriage.
It was incredibly frustrating at times, but Hubby had been right. By taking things slowly, I learned so much more about myself and about what sorts of things I really enjoyed and what sort of things were far different than I had imagined.
After nearly 3½ years of exploring, I knew, without a doubt that this lifestyle was what I truly wanted, what I needed to feel like the person I was meant to be. I could say with confidence that I could never go back to living the vanilla life that I had trapped myself in for so much of my life.
I knew that I needed us to take things to the next level in this lifestyle. Up to that point, we had only lived it in the bedroom. We had only played the game of bedroom fun.
Then 9 months ago, I asked my Husband if we could begin taking steps to move our dynamic outside of the bedroom. He was unsure at first, but I told Him that I really felt as though it was something I needed to do. He agreed, but decided that we would again, begin slowly, test the waters if you will, make certain that it would be something that would work well for both of us.
But in all of the past 4 years there has been no really clear goals aside from simple exploration, testing and learning our limits.
Therefore, I have never really taken the time to really sit down and think about setting real, solid goals for myself within this lifestyle, within our dynamic, within my role as a lifestyle submissive wife.
So now, the challenge for myself, is to really think about and consider what I really want, what I really NEED from living this lifestyle 24/7.
I think my overall goal to to eventually have an M/s dynamic, but I don't see that happening right away.
I think for now... for this year:

• I need to work on being less bratty, though that will never completely go away, as that is also part of who I am... and it keeps things interesting at times, but there are times when I could probably control it better.
  
• I would like to learn to control my physical responses better. There are times when my body automatically responds to the mere thought of certain “unfavorable” types of touch or stimulation. I have a tendency to block Hubby sometimes, and try as I may, I find it difficult to control those responses, or should I say reflexes.
  
• I want to be able to figure out a workable routine this year, as well. Something that will help me to keep our home decent and somewhat organized. I am not the most organized person when it comes to our home and so, there are times when I feel overwhelmed, so really my goal would be to keep things better organized and caught up, so as to avoid becoming so overwhelmed.
  
• I want to work on being even more aware of Hubby and attentive to Him when he's at home, and I would like to be more anticipatory (is that a word?) of His needs.
  
• I also want to work on, not only keeping our finances straight and bills paid on time, but this year I really want to be able to begin putting some money away into savings.... AND LEAVING IT THERE.