Hard Limits

Hard Limits
April 29, 2011
Limits – Do you have any hard limits? What are they?

I am very quick to say that I have some rather HARD Limits, you know, the obvious ones... I don't do bestiality or play with children, etc...

I have always thought that people who “claim” to have no hard limits were either ignorant or insane... I mean who wouldn't have at least a few limits???

But really... if I sit down and give it some serious thought... I can honestly say that I don't have any hard limits.

When it comes to our marriage... when it comes to our D/s dynamic... I don't set any real limits.

Let me explain... I have been with my Husdom for 19 of my 40 years... we have been married for 17 of those years... and we have been in this lifestyle for nearly 4 and a half of those years.

In all that time, He has NEVER intentionally hurt me. He has never set out to do me real harm. He has proven time and time again that MY safety and well being is always first and foremost in His mind and heart.

I know that while it is His desire to fulfill my fantasies, it is also His desire to keep me safe while doing so.

Since entering this lifestyle, HE has been the one that has been the most restrained and hesitant when it has come to exploring some of the more edgy or risky types of play, for fear of causing me physical and even emotional harm. HE has been the one to set the more rigid limits on what we do and do not try and when we try what we do.

So really, it isn't necessary for me to set limits, because I know that he would never push me beyond what I am physically or emotionally capable of dealing with.

I can sit here and tell people that I would never do this or I would never do that, and they can come back to me and say, “See, those things are your hard limits.”, but I have no need to set those limits with Him, because I already know that HE would never try to take me there to begin with.

I can honestly say that I have enough trust in my Husdom, that I have no need or desire to set hard limits... and honestly... it is incredibly liberating to be able to say that and to mean it.

Health and Medical Issues

April 18, 2011

Health and Medical Issues: When health and medical issues become an obstacle, how do you modify and yet maintain your service to your Dominant partner?

I have recently been dealing with a temporary physical disability. Back around mid-January I suffered an injury that at first was not obvious, but around mid-February, it became much more apparent that I was becoming rather limited in what I was physically capable of doing.

I had fallen off of our front porch, which had become iced over following an ice storm that pushed thru our area., and landed on my back.

As a result, I eventually learned that I had herniated a disc in my neck which was pressing upon the root nerve that traveled down my left arm.

I was dealing with a great deal of pain and a measurable loss of strength in that arm.

I was no longer capable of doing many of the things that I was responsible for within our home, namely the majority of our housework, cooking had become a difficult task... with these things I had to rely on my Husband and children to pick up the slack... and I can't even begin to describe how our sex life was affected.

Over the course of the past 2+ months, I had begun to feel horrible about the fact that it was my Husband and children serving and taking care of me rather than the other way around.

I have said numerous times in the past that one of the most important things we can do as submissives, is to be as aware of our own health as we are for that of our families... by maintaining our own health we are better able to serve them.

When I have been sick, it was easy enough for me to take a couple days to rest my body in order for it to have the energy to fight off whatever illness might be affecting me... but when those couple days turned into a couple weeks... and those couple weeks became 2+ months, it took a serious toll on my emotional well being.

I began to lose sight of the fact that it was in the best interest of my entire family for me to allow them to care for me and serve me. It simply is not in my nature for me to sit back and be served. In my heart, it made me feel useless and worthless, even though in my mind, I knew better.

1 1/2 weeks ago on April 8^th, I had surgery to repair the herniated disc, and still I have been extremely limited in what I am allowed to do. I have a strict limit on how much weight I may lift. I am not yet allowed to drive a vehicle. Even in the bedroom I am still fairly limited in what I am able to do.

But, I know that I am beginning to do much better. Within 24 hours following my surgery, I had regained approximately 90% of the strength in my left arm, and for the first time in nearly 3 months, I have been able for the past 3 days, to stop taking strong narcotic pain medications and muscle relaxers to be able to cope and function.

My injury could have been much worse... and in spite of the fact that I hated being the one to be served by my family, had I not listened to my doctors, as well as my Husband, I could have caused my injury to deteriorate much more than it did.

As difficult as it has been for me, emotionally, I know that I best served my Husband and family, these past almost 3 months, by allowing them to serve ME, and hopefully very soon, I will be able to step back into the role in which I feel much happier and content, the role that makes me feel useful and gives me a purpose.

Abuse

April 18, 2011

Abuse - Define abuse and relate it to this lifestyle. Whether physical, psychological, or emotional, how does abuse differ from lifestyle recreation and discipline? Is it possible for a submissive/slave to become abusive toward her Dominant/Master? In what ways?

First I want to apologize for taking so long to post a new entry, I have been dealing with a few medical issues which have prevented me from being able to focus my mind long enough to do so, as a result I have fallen a several weeks behind and have some catching up to do. Please bear with me and I will get my posts completed.

That said, this is a topic I feel passionately about, not because I have experienced it, but because I have many friends whom have, in one way or another, been abused in and out of the lifestyle and sometimes because of the nature of this lifestyle, that line can become blurred. It is my desire to help make that line more clear.

Merriam-Webster Online defines abuse as:

1: a corrupt practice or custom

2: improper or excessive use or treatment : misuse <drug abuse>

3: obsolete : a deceitful act : deception

4: language that condemns or vilifies usually unjustly, intemperately, and angrily

5: physical maltreatment

Examples of ABUSE

1. He subjected his wife to physical and emotional abuse.
2. the buying of votes and other election abuses
3. She was subjected to every term of abuse her boss could think of.
4. a torrent of verbal abuse
5. The prisoner hurled abuse at the judge.
   

The issue of abuse within this lifestyle must be clearly defined because that line can be very fine.

In the vanilla world, when you see a person whom is extremely controlling and who monitors his/her partners every action, we call it emotional abuse, but in the lifestyle, it may be something that two people have agreed upon and are very happy with.

In the vanilla world, if we have a friend whom is consistently covered in bruises, often in places that are easily covered and hidden, we can become appalled and fearful for our friend's life. We likely would do everything within our power to convince our friend to remove him/herself from that situation, whereas in this lifestyle, we may often rejoice with a person at the bruises they have allowed themselves to accumulate, as a result of “playtime”.

There are several different types of abuse that can occur within a relationship.

• Physical: slapping, pushing, hitting, kicking, biting, etc. 
• Emotional: name-calling, putting down, insults, etc.Sexual: being forced into sexual contact
• Threats: "If you...I'll kill you!"
• Intimidation: gestures, looks, smashing things
• Isolation: being kept from seeing or talking to others, not allowed to go out.
• Economic: being given an allowance, not allowed to have a job, etc.

Depending upon the dynamic, all of these types of abuse are subjective, meaning that just because they occur within a D/s dynamic, it doesn't necessarily reflect actual abuse.

So... how do we make this line much more clear?

How do we know when that line has been crossed from consensual behavior/play to abuse?

We need to consider the person's state of mind... their emotional well being.

Are they afraid of their partner? Is it fear that motivates them to be obedient to their dominant partner or do they truly enjoy serving Him or Her?

Is the person a strong, self-aware, self confident person, or do they have a tendency to hide themselves within their dominant partners identity?

Do they answer your questions about their lives with their dominant partner directly or do they have a tendency to avoid those questions and quickly change the subject or make excuses, explanations for why their partner behaves as he/she does?

Are they generally happy and content with their lives or do they complain a lot about feeling neglected?

Are they often angry with their partner, but refuse to confront him/her or make excuses as to why they can't really talk to him/her?

Does the person behave differently, become a different person entirely, when their partner is present?

These are much better indicators of abuse both in and out of the lifestyle. If you pay close attention to these things, it will be much easier to determine whether or not abuse is a factor within someones relationship.