Prompt: Building Trust and Intimacy - In what ways do you continuously build upon the trust and intimacy within your relationship... both IN and OUT of the bedroom?
My Husdom and I share a great deal of trust, and for me, trust equals intimacy. We have been together for a very long time ,and we've been through so much over the years, and our trust is stronger now that it has ever been in the past. It is amazing how the trust we share between us continues to grow and flourish.
There are different kinds of trust, different levels of trust.
I trust my Husdom, with my life.... and while that may seem like something BIG, it really isn't. We all trust complete strangers with our lives each and every day. Just getting into our vehicle and driving somewhere, we MUST trust every other driver on the road, to some degree. We have to trust that the majority of them are going to be alert and conscious of their surroundings. We have to trust that they will have fast reflexes and a keen eye, and IF, God forbid, something serious DOES happen, we must trust that SOMEBODY will be willing to stop and render aid to us if we are unable to take care of ourselves.
Trusting a person with our lives.... that's easy to do. It's a nobrainer for most.
But there are much deeper levels of trust, and the deeper our level of trust in a person the more evident our vulnerabilities become to that person, and to ourselves.
We all have something about ourselves that we keep tucked away... hidden... from the rest of the world, and the deeper we allow any one person into our lives, the closer that secret, dare I say sacred, part of ourselves rises to the surface.
It can be a terrifying thing to place our trust in another human being. To open ourselves up and allow another person to enter into our lives, our own personal little bubble, it's frightening.
If we are wise, we choose very carefully, those person's whom are truly deserving of that honor.
It is impossible to be a part of this lifestyle without developing, and nurturing a very deep level of trust in SOMEONE.
We choose a person that proves him/herself worthy of that trust.
I was blessed to have been married for many years to the person in whom I must place my trust. But getting there wasn't easy.
It took me a long time to grant Him that depth, that level of trust.
Communication...
Communication is the key, not only to the development, but also to the nurturing, of a real, true, honest, and DEEP level of trust.
As a submissive wife, I need to be able to trust my Dominant Husband to care, not only for my life... but also for my heart and for my soul. I need to be able to lay it all out, for Him to see. My hopes, my dreams, my joys, my fears, my anger and sadness... as someone once said... "Warts and all."
I need to be able to to take a leap of faith and trust Him with the nastinest, ugliest, freakiest parts of myself. And the only way to do that is through communication.
It wasn't until I took that leap of faith and gave over to Him that depth of my trust that I was able to believe and trust in the depth of His love for me. If HE could look at those horrid parts of me... those parts that even I was once afraid to acknowledge... and embrace them, and find the beauty in them, then what else could there be for me to hide?
As a masochist, I have to be able to communicate with my Sadistic Partner... to tell Him everything I am feeling be it physically, emotionally, or psychologically... whether good, bad, or indifferent.
I then must trust that my Sadistic Partner will listen to me and take me where I desire to go through the experience of painful stimulation, again... whether it be physical, mental, or even psychological... without causing permanent damage to my body, my mind, or my soul.
Communication... That is the only key.
You cannot learn to trust... you cannot nurture that trust... you cannot grow and evolve that honest, sincere depth of trust without communication.
Without the key of communication, you cannot have that trust... and without that degree, that depth of trust... you cannot have TRUE intimacy.
Each of these three things... communication, trust, and intimacy... are wholly dependent upon each of other two, to grow and evolve... and they must continually do so or they will stagnate and eventually whither away and die.
Tuesday, November 30, 2010
Saturday, November 27, 2010
His Expectations...
I have not added a entry in a while, and so a couple friends and I have decided to help motivate each other by giving each other certain prompts or topic ideas for new entries.
The current prompt is: Part 1: "What do you do to show you're submissive?" (Such as wearing a collar or certain piece of jewelry or other personal symbols.)
There are many different ways that people show outward indications that they are in a committed relationship. For example, when in high school, a boy may give his girlfriend his class ring to wear, or buy her a special necklace, or let her wear his Letterman's jacket, etc...
People buy each other friendship bracelets, promise rings, engagement rings, wedding bands... These are all recognizable symbols of the love and commitment people share with another person.
In this lifestyle we also have special items that are symbolic of our commitment... some people get special tattoos or they wear special types of jewelry as well... for example... Some people wear a collar, or special bracelets or anklets to show that they belong to another person.
There are also other less conventional things they will do. For instance... I do not currently wear a collar, though I am hoping we will soon be able to purchase one for me to wear... but I do have both of my nipples pierced, as well as a vch piercing, and one other symbol that I have yet to tell anyone else about because it is slightly less common. I allowed Hubby to literally carve a set of letters into my back side. While I'll not share with you what those letters are, I will say this... they mark me as his property... PERMANENTLY.
Part 2: Write about you're rules and punishments and how you feel about those. How do you and you're S/O fell when they are followed or broken?
As for rules and discipline... we do not have any thing written out, but there are certain expectations He has of me. He expects me to maintain our home, it doesn't have to be completely spotless... but He does expect it to be organized and kept clean.
I am not allowed to touch Him with my hands (There is a bit of a story that goes with that rule). I may touch Him in any other way, with any other part of my body, except my hands... unless I have His permission first.
I am not allowed to smoke a cigarette without first asking His permission. I asked specifically for this rule because I made a promise to my Mom before she died that I would stop smoking entirely by a certain date, and so, at my request, Hubby has taken control over when I am allowed to smoke and how much, so that I will be able to completely cut back and eventually quit by the promised date
My body belongs to Him and He may take it and use it in anyway He see fit to use it, anytime He desires to do so.
For over 4 years, our BDSM dynamic was only enjoyed in the bedroom, but 6 months ago I asked Him if we could take it outside of the bedroom and begin living it 24/7 and He agreed. So while we have been in this lifestyle for nearly 5 years, we are relatively new to the 24/7 aspect, and thus we have not yet developed a full set of rules and expectations. We pretty much make it up as we go along. We try something out for a period of time... test the waters, so to speak, and if it works, it becomes permanent. If it doesn't, we drop it.
As for discipline/consequences for disobedience/disrespect... there is really nothing set in stone... He determines how to discipline me according to the infraction.
One example of His creative thinking... I forgot, one time, to get His work clothes washed, and as a result I was made to wear pj's to sleep in. I am not comfortable wearing any type of clothing to bed, so for me, this was actually quite harsh. Since then I have not made that same mistake, Hubby ALWAYS has clean clothes to wear to work.
The current prompt is: Part 1: "What do you do to show you're submissive?" (Such as wearing a collar or certain piece of jewelry or other personal symbols.)
There are many different ways that people show outward indications that they are in a committed relationship. For example, when in high school, a boy may give his girlfriend his class ring to wear, or buy her a special necklace, or let her wear his Letterman's jacket, etc...
People buy each other friendship bracelets, promise rings, engagement rings, wedding bands... These are all recognizable symbols of the love and commitment people share with another person.
In this lifestyle we also have special items that are symbolic of our commitment... some people get special tattoos or they wear special types of jewelry as well... for example... Some people wear a collar, or special bracelets or anklets to show that they belong to another person.
There are also other less conventional things they will do. For instance... I do not currently wear a collar, though I am hoping we will soon be able to purchase one for me to wear... but I do have both of my nipples pierced, as well as a vch piercing, and one other symbol that I have yet to tell anyone else about because it is slightly less common. I allowed Hubby to literally carve a set of letters into my back side. While I'll not share with you what those letters are, I will say this... they mark me as his property... PERMANENTLY.
Part 2: Write about you're rules and punishments and how you feel about those. How do you and you're S/O fell when they are followed or broken?
As for rules and discipline... we do not have any thing written out, but there are certain expectations He has of me. He expects me to maintain our home, it doesn't have to be completely spotless... but He does expect it to be organized and kept clean.
I am not allowed to touch Him with my hands (There is a bit of a story that goes with that rule). I may touch Him in any other way, with any other part of my body, except my hands... unless I have His permission first.
I am not allowed to smoke a cigarette without first asking His permission. I asked specifically for this rule because I made a promise to my Mom before she died that I would stop smoking entirely by a certain date, and so, at my request, Hubby has taken control over when I am allowed to smoke and how much, so that I will be able to completely cut back and eventually quit by the promised date
My body belongs to Him and He may take it and use it in anyway He see fit to use it, anytime He desires to do so.
For over 4 years, our BDSM dynamic was only enjoyed in the bedroom, but 6 months ago I asked Him if we could take it outside of the bedroom and begin living it 24/7 and He agreed. So while we have been in this lifestyle for nearly 5 years, we are relatively new to the 24/7 aspect, and thus we have not yet developed a full set of rules and expectations. We pretty much make it up as we go along. We try something out for a period of time... test the waters, so to speak, and if it works, it becomes permanent. If it doesn't, we drop it.
As for discipline/consequences for disobedience/disrespect... there is really nothing set in stone... He determines how to discipline me according to the infraction.
One example of His creative thinking... I forgot, one time, to get His work clothes washed, and as a result I was made to wear pj's to sleep in. I am not comfortable wearing any type of clothing to bed, so for me, this was actually quite harsh. Since then I have not made that same mistake, Hubby ALWAYS has clean clothes to wear to work.
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